I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
