i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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