i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
one might say we're banned from that church
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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