Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
