we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is my gift to your gina
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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