Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize