i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
only you would photoshop your dick
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
