If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
