this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
