I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Randomize
