You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
