Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
