i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
porn star boner night. come get it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
