it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Damn victory sex feels great
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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