Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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