The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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