i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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