remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
