you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Randomize
