I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
