Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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