do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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