I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
