I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
