its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
