I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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