The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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