please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
