My girlfriend figured out who you are.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
