so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
