dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
