my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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