I wish I only lived at night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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