Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize