so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
