Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
