Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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