Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
