Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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