i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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