Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
