The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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