I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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