If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
