Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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