What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
