I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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