I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
