We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
