i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
