got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
