Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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