she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
