Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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