At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize