he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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