Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
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I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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