I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize