Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
