it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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