I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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