happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
