i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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