I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
