My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
