I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
