Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
