Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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