Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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