Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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