You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
