I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
