the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
