It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize