Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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