i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My cat gives me a boner
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
