with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
