2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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