My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
