I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
